The Doctor Is In…316 Odd Days Or So To Fix This!

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According to my Grandmother, in order for a relationship survive there must be a lot of give and take. I admit, I do more than my fair share of giving…advice that is.

Sometimes my advice is golden:

“Learn to adapt”

“Invest in quality pieces, they never go out of style.”

“Just go ahead and do your own thing. It won’t matter after you’re dead. Just don’t hurt anyone else while you are doing it.”

“Don’t compare or else the grass will always look greener from where you stand.”

But more often than not I find my advice sounds somewhat like this:

“If you do X then X will happen,” (da-da…insert evil music)

“Don’t have sex with her unless you can see yourself waking up to her for the rest of your life”…which is valid but not always helpful at the time.

“If you would only take out the trash we wouldn’t have ants”

“You should have listened to me and this never would have happened.”

Recently, I had noticed that my commentary was full of If’s and Don’ts and Should’s. In other words, I often used these if’s and should’s unintentionally as word grenades; words which when said warn the unfortunate listener that something more is coming and it usually isn’t good. They are just “pull the pin and toss” words that can have near lethal effects on a person’s soul. Words which imply that the person is lacking in some way or has failed in some sort of duty owed. While I have used these grenades on others recently I have realized I have used them consistently on myself during negative self-commentaries that came to prance through my mind from time to time. Usually the word should figures predominantly in those head games I play with myself.

“You should have…”

Frankly, I think the word should be banned because it is a word that sets a person up for a lifetime of regret and self-flagellation.

“You should have…”

Lately, I have been working on decreasing the amount of should’s, if’s and don’ts in my vocabulary. Instead, I have tried to replace them with “feel good words” like… please, could you, and it may be better if…

And it is working.  As I use gentler words my family does too infusing a sense of calm in the atmosphere of my mind and in our home.  Best of all, I find I am turning into a kinder gentler woman … a Glenda the Good type of person who helps to remind me that “There’s No Place Like Home, There’s No Place Like Home, There’s No Place Like Home!” and I finally believes it.

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2 thoughts on “The Doctor Is In…316 Odd Days Or So To Fix This!

  1. Is he working as hard as you are? As the mom of many kids, but only one with special needs, I wonder if your husband has been a true partner in your home. I think my child’s needs are less significant than your kids and it hasn’t always been easy. We are at the other side now, for the most part, as the child has gone to college, but those years were tough on us and our marriage. You are still very much in the thick of it.
    I have been reading your blog and I really think that all your changes are good, but I constantly wonder what he expected life to be like and how he is taken those expectations and modified them because of the two kids on the spectrum. Life isn’t easy and it isn’t fair, but how we deal with those bumps (that are sometimes mountains) on the road says a great deal about our character.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Alice thank for the kind words. He does work hard but he does not like conflict so for years he was the hero and me the mean parent because he did not want to deal with conflict. He is trying much harder in the past 8 weeks since all this has occurred. As far as working hard to change I think that it is me who is embracing many changes at once (guess I’m an all or nothing kind of girl) while he has picked one or two to work on. Thanks for reading my blog. I am writing it as an outlet and at the end of 365 days I hope to be able to go back and see that those things I am struggling with have been resolved.

      Liked by 1 person

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