After I had children I began to understand why some animals eat their young. Those animals are smart creatures because they know that one day their offspring will grow up to become a mouthy, sulky, nasty, mean, cranky, selfish, thoughtless and reckless teenager; so they nip that problem in the bud.
Teenagers breed contempt. They make you question your sanity. And there is nothing worse on God’s green earth than a snotty-know-it-all sixteen-year-old.
Last Saturday evening, after a particularily difficult week with our collective teens, my girlfriends and I got together for a drink…or two. I am not sure where the idea came from nor the precise number of drinks that been downed but suddenly we were compiling a list which we have decided to use against our offspring to teach them a lesson should the need arise. We called it MOM REVENGE and does it ever feel sweet. And since we are all in this together I thought I would share.
- When you drop your kid off at school yell out the window “And if you don’t pee your bed again tonight I will give you another dollar.”
- Fill your son’s bed with stuffed animals just before his friends arrive
- Pack a sippy cup in your sweetie’s lunch box
- Post naked baby pictures on their Facebook page
- Yell out the car window “Remember the babysitter will be at the house waiting for you when you get home from school.”
- Text your teen “Honey, you forgot your blankie. Do you want me to bring it to school for you?”
- When your teen’s friends are over come downstairs with a box of head lice killer and tell your daughter that the salon called and wanted to let her know she has lice.
- Download ice cream truck music on your cell phone and blast it on your stereo as you pass their high school.
- Put a Barbie doll in your teens backpack.
- Buy a recordable card and record your own personalized message that awaits in their lunch box.