Past The Depths Of Hell

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I’ve been past the depths of hell

These last 18 months

Changing myself

And trying to make you happy

You have happily filleted my heart

Scraping out my innards

As you lifted my soul out of my middle-aged body

And held it up for the world to see

I’ve been past the depths of hell

Down further than one

Ought to go without proper diving gear

I’ve been awash on a sea of tears

That could have floated an ocean liner

Tears of sorrow, frustration, and anger

A body dragged across the sandy floor

Leaving raw, mangled meat

Hanging on the bone

The shark circling in for the kill

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I’ve been past the depths of hell

Losing myself while trying to please you

Carrying your burdens first

While dragging mine behind

Sleepless nights

Etching my face with fine lines

I look like I’ve aged 18 years

Instead of 18 months

I’ve been past the depths of hell

I mourn what was

I mourn what is to come

I mourn for our innocent children

I mourn for our marriage

Which was only an illusion

Like you-illusionist

Like me-the mind reader

You settling for something

You knew you didn’t want

Along time ago

But didn’t have the guts to say what

You needed or wanted

Until the resentments rose up

And rolled the ship under

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I’ve been past the depths of hell

And I’ve going down for another dive

But this time when I surface

I will be all alone

And divorce will bear my name

Holding onto my tattered mind

And a body that spent

Thirty years

Loving you

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3 thoughts on “Past The Depths Of Hell

  1. Oh,no. I am so so so sad and angry for you!!!

    Such intimate words, powerful and literally aching with heartbreak. I’ve come to respect you very much over the past year, reading how the things you tried have and haven’t made a difference. Regardless, you were the mature adult. Certainly more than I am at times.

    (Hugs) I hope you don’t stop posting or at least doing updates. You and your family are in my prayers.

    Like

    • Oh those are sweet words. Thank you so very much. I have cut down on blogging because it bothered B that I would share “family secrets” Not sure what I am going to do but I will continue to blog here and there for sure.

      Like

  2. Oh those are sweet words. Thank you so very much. I have cut down on blogging because it bothered B that I would share “family secrets” Not sure what I am going to do but I will continue to blog here and there for sure.

    Like

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