And Tomorrow I Go March Against the Tyrant. I March For Women’s Rights And The Rights Of All People
And Tomorrow I Go March Against the Tyrant. I March For Women’s Rights And The Rights Of All People
Dear Hillary and Melania:
During these days of campaign rhetoric and insults flying as hard and fast as missiles; there is something you both share that you have failed to recognize. You are both women who have been emotionally abused and publicly shamed by your men. Like it or not you are in the sisterhood of the betrayed.
I know both of you didn’t ask to become the poster child for women with men who stray like wild dogs in the night. I know that their poor choices have nothing to do with you and you are not to blame. They both did what they did of their own volition, their lack of morals, and with no concern for you or your children’s welfare. You were a background distraction while they cheated to appease their own egos. Their dishonesty to you and all involved is nothing you need to take on yourself nor defend. That is for them to do. You are the innocent here. You both need to realize that old song, Stand By Your Man, is seriously outdated.
Yet, just because you are not responsible for what your men have done, there is something that I would like you to consider. Like it or not you are role models for millions of women and girls out there. You are both women of privilege. You are women who have worked hard to get where you want to be. And in some small way your actions or inaction influence other women. So my question to you both is…why do you stay with men who value themselves, their penises, and their egos more than they value you?
Yes, the choice to stay is your choice and yours alone to make. I do not presume to understand the complexities of your relationships with your husbands. But I want you to think about this … there are millions of women in the United States who are beaten by their spouse, cheated on, or disrespected in front of their kids. These women are actively contemplating getting out of a situation that is physically dangerous or crippling to their psyche. They know they are in relationships that are emotionally unhealthy for themselves and their families. Yet, they are attempting to be brave, strong, and do what is right by their children even if it is just one step at a time until they have a plan in place and they can safely leave.
We all know that deciding to leave a marriage is never easy. But it is especially difficult for women without power, wealth, and fame. So when we see the two of you, women with all sorts of emotional and financial resources stay with men who have hurt and emotionally abused you on a national stage; it makes it just that much harder for any woman to leave her own tormentor. How can girls have the courage to move on when you don’t? How can women separate when they see you defend a man who has not earned the right to that kind of loyalty from you? If you can’t do it with all your privilege, how can other women who are less fortunate than you?
I am so glad we live in a time when you have earned the legal right to do what you want in regards to your personal relationships. You have the luxury of being able to choose. I recognize that it is not your job to divorce for the sake of all women but dammit perhaps if we saw you refuse to put up with the crap your spouse has heaped on you, it would give others women the courage to do the same. Perhaps if we saw you value yourselves we could value ourselves in the same way. And perhaps if we saw women like you be bold and refuse to put up with men who love themselves and their desires more than they love their wives; we wouldn’t have to have these kinds of discussions thirty years from now. For the future for women everywhere will only change when those at the top lead by example not rhetoric, show courage not complacency, and love/value themselves more than they love power or money.
Yes, it is up to us to stand on our own two feet, but I have to wonder, that if perhaps if you stood just a little higher, if it would make it easier for the rest of us.
The other day I mentioned porn and that got me to thinking. After much consideration I have come to the unequivocal conclusion that men should be forever banned from the making of porn films. Not only that they should not be able to write porn, direct porn, or cast the stars of these low budget features; they probably shouldn’t be able to watch them either.
I will confess right here I am not a big fan of the genre. I don’t like how women are demeaned and objectified. I don’t like “please me no matter what” attitudes of the men involved. But most of all I don’t like the plots. Actually, there are no real plots and that is exactly where the trouble lies.
Men make porn the same way they played with their toy cars when they were kids. First off, they look for the most elusive or expensive model there is. Always.Who cares about what the color is as long as it’s a Porsche! This is followed by further scrutiny about how they will look driving the car and how fast can they can get into it and go. Next up: Leather or cloth seats? Pumped up tires or standard? With a bra or without? Essentially nothing has changed. Just pull it out back and let it rip. Banging into as many as they can becomes the name of the game, both young and old.
Now, I am not advocating more porn but I know that if women made porn there would be real plots. Instead of sex occurring one minute after the show began, it would take at least a half hour of fancy dresses with numerous costume changes, plenty of castles, and lots kissing and foreplay. The sets wouldn’t be sleazy formica kitchen countertops but fancy feather beds, lush tropical beach settees, and foods like grapes, whipped cream and caviar acting as aphrodisiacs.
I guarantee you that if women made porn the actors would all have straight dicks and perfect teeth. The men would have normal sized tools instead of scary looking tree trucks and the woman would all be able to walk upright instead of bent-over due to the size of their breasts. The actors would all manage to look like your fantasy lover not something that was drug in off of the street. And the sex act itself, well, it would last exactly 22.2 minutes because we all know what happens to our tender parts if you go much longer than that. No woman should ever be put in the position where she has to say, “You are wearing out your welcome.” THAT look of “GET THE HELL OUT” that always crosses the woman’s face in man-made porn would never occur in a film created by gals.
If women made porn they would turn it into a series in which the viewer knew everything about the characters and cared for them like their own family members. Debbie would do Dallas but she would also do it in the blooming rose gardens of Versailles. By the end of the show you would know all of Debbie’s friends, her parents and her favorite food. She would be a fully developed person, not just a sex machine. And while Debbie and Grant were getting it on in the opera box but we would also get to see the Joffrey Ballet set the mood as they performed a portion of The Nutcracker at the same time.
You see, if women made porn it would be something grand.It would be something your husband would call you about to remind you to chill the wine because tonight is “our night to watch Upstairs and Downstairs too.” And if there were English accents involved it would be all the better to set the mood.
Women based porn would be something women wanted to watch and men too. It would increase desire and promote safe sex. And I am willing to bet if this were the type of porn that we spent watching with our partner we would all be having a whole lot more pleasurable and sexy sex instead of demeaning sex…and isn’t that what the goal should be in the first place?
It has been interesting to me that I have been composing these recent pieces in a somewhat poetic form. I ponder why because I never choose to write in this particular style. And what occurs to me is that right now I feel raw, sad and the confusion is deep and so in writing in an unfamiliar style it almost makes it feel that it is not me that this is happening to. I am incapable of organizing my thoughts in a traditional piece so I must not be that OTHER woman, that sad one, the poetic one, who might very well end up divorced.
Yep, I am just floating down De’Nile.
THREE HOURS POST GWENNIFERR
I used to think our marriage was special
I really truly used to believe that with all my heart
When did that stop?
Today for sure
We were friends, I thought
Fantastic lovers, I knew
Allies, maybe? sometimes
And I always thought
That you would be the one holding my hand when I passed on
Now I realize we just had a marriage
There was nothing special about it at all
It was just a plain ordinary marriage
Like everyone else has
A marriage of ups and downs
Of good and bad
Of happiness and sorrow
Of kindness and love
Of children and grandchildren
Of travel and adventure
But now the only thing left is the fantastic lover part
And that is not enough for me anymore
Admiration…fled the scene
Friendship…well the therapist says we don’t have it
You wanted to like me again
I wanted the same of you
And then Gwenniferr re-emerged
Once again reminding me
We have less than a marriage
Because a marriage is built on truth and trust
And at this time ours appears to be built on sand
FIVE HOURS POST GWENNIFERR
Your innocent flirting you said was harmless
Your unhappiness you felt until you wanted a D.I.V.O.R.C.E. was harmless
Your dishonesty was avoidance and therefore harmless
Your relationship with Gwenniferr is nothing, it’s harmless
She is like a sister to you, harmless
Your relationship to me that is imploding…harmless
Destroying our family…harmless
Your look-me-in-the-eye I’m telling you the truth, harmless
Your relationship with your children, maybe on your way to becoming a weekend father…harmless
Your innocence astounds me
And your harmless actions seer my soul
Permanent scars carved into my skin
One at a time over years
Looking like a tattoo of dragon talons swooping down
Cutting and digging into flesh
You BRAND my soul with your harmlessness
And it doesn’t feel harmless at all
How did we get from this this song that we played at our 25th Wedding Anniversary to where we are now? I don’t understand
All I know is that we knitted this marriage for all these years and with one tug, one pull of the thread it is unraveling and the speed with which it is astounds me.
I showed up unexpectedly
Hopeful…for a long lunch
I never show up uninvited
But I had a hunch
We needed some more time together
You told me you were going to the gym
“Let’s go,” I said.
And you said, sure… hesitated… and then insisted on going to lunch first
I would love to go to the gym with you now
Again you insisted on going to lunch right then
We did it your way…again
Lunch was lovely
Fingers touching the way they do
When you want to turn me on
Beautiful blue eyes batting at me
Smiles a million miles long
Conversation sweet but lean
The man in the booth behind us flirting at me with his eyes, his smile
And for the first time in 29 years I wondered what it might be like to flirt back
For it was nothing I had even considered…before now
At the gym you took me into a tiny workout room
Ellipticals you said
I love the ellipticals
And so we huffed and puffed together
And then I saw that tiny almost imperceptible wave
To shoes and a dress which were the only things visible to me
I asked who it was
Gweniferr you said
And my head exploded
But not from a lack of oxygen from too much time on the elliptical
But from all the air escaping me after being punched in the gut
Oh… the same Gwenniferr with whom you exchanged inappropriate texts
Oh… the same Gwenniferr you SWORE you never saw anymore because
She never came to the gym
Oh…the same Gwenniferr you have no interest in
Even though your texts several years ago appeared to speak differently for you
The elliptical stopped
NOt realizing that I was responsible
For the inaction
I wish I was mellow dramatic and could have passed out on the floor
Ladylike, as they did in the old days
But instead I wanted to slam my body into yours
Angry…more than that
Full of RAGE…but I kept my cool and later felt… nothing
But a gaping pit where my heart once raced when you touched me
It appears you have lied to me again
Later you showed me the rest of the facility
The huge gym with even more ellipticals surprised me
It was the gym I assume that Gwenniferr had been working out in
Usually with you?
But not today
Obviously I was unexpected by her too.