Hollow Victory…311 Days to Fix This

We talk all day

We talk all night

Maybe that’s good

Maybe not right

Seems I am trying to force

An outcome

Instead of sitting in the silence of what isimages

And letting what happens…happen

On its own

Without my input

Or any artificial colors, preservatives or (l)dyes

But there is a major problem…

I don’t do limbo well

THEN

In the morning you come to me

Phone held tightly in your right hand

You show me your password

I turn my head

I don’t want to see

A hollow victory

For the sadness that lives in the lines around your eyes

The numbers mean nothing to me anymore

Why I ask? Why are you doing this?

It really doesn’t mean anything to me, he replies

But it means the world to you

It’s a small thing to do

When it is such a big hurt to you

And when he smiles

Some of the sorrow leaves the lines around his eyes

And I feel guilty for putting it there

For fighting for our marriage

Causing lines, scars, tears, misery

Refusing to give in to our marriage’s premature death

Refusing to pick out a casket

For today I see life and love

And I know we are okay for this moment

And that’s enough for me

Right now

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You Changed Your Password

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You changed your password to your phone

You didn’t tell me

Our daughter did

And with that omission

It sent me the clear signal that our marriage is over

As far as you are concerned

This marriage is dead to you

The line is cut and there is no dial tone

After all these years

No hidden passwords between us

You tell me it is because I went to see the letter you wrote

To your family

Not knowing that you would mind

But you changed your password before you knew I had seen it

You blame the fact that I have a blog. that I keep private from you

But you have a journal and I don’t feel the need to look

What this really is…you are shutting down and shutting me out

And you have some reason to want to keep secrets

That you never had the need to keep before

I dislike you for your secrecy

Your secrecy now more important to you than our marriage

I dislike you for your timing

It doesn’t bode well for the future

But the worst part of it is

I still love you so much it hurts